Princess Anne’s cutting remark left Earl Spencer feeling “small” before Charles and Diana’s wedding

A brief exchange between Princess Anne and her teenage brother-in-law, Charles Spencer, has resurfaced in his new memoir, Swan Song: Diana, My Sister.

Spencer, now 62, recalls being seated beside the Princess Royal at a formal dinner in the days leading up to the 1981 wedding of his sister, Diana, to then-Prince Charles. What began as an attempt to make conversation about Anne’s young daughter, Zara Tindall, quickly became an uncomfortable moment Spencer says he has never forgotten.

A difficult conversation at Buckingham Palace

In Swan Song, Spencer looks back at the extraordinary period surrounding Charles and Diana’s wedding on 29 July 1981.

Among the events before the ceremony was a formal meal at Buckingham Palace. Spencer was only 17 at the time and found himself seated next to Princess Anne.

Rather than remain silent, he tried to start a conversation by asking about the christening of her daughter, Zara.

Spencer had expected the subject to be an easy one. Instead, he says Anne responded in a way that immediately made him uncomfortable.

He recalls:

“I expected her to run away with the happy topic of her baby Zara’s baptism.”

Instead, according to Spencer, Anne looked at him and replied:

“Tell me, how’s a christening supposed to go?”

Spencer describes the response as “withering” and says the encounter made him feel “small.”

At 17, he said he could think of nothing to say in response. His reaction was simply to “turn red and look at my plate.”

Spencer wished he had been seated elsewhere

The teenager’s discomfort was heightened when he looked across the room and saw his brother-in-law, Neil, talking beside the Crown Princess of Japan.

Spencer later reflected on how much the experience of a formal royal occasion could depend on the person sitting beside you.

For him, the evening became a lesson in how differently members of the royal family could treat a young guest.

He wrote that it was essentially “the luck of the draw” whether someone found themselves beside a royal who was prepared to make them feel insignificant or someone who had “the grace and manners to look for common ground.”

The episode is one of several personal recollections in Swan Song, which focuses heavily on Spencer’s memories of Diana, his relationship with his sister and the events surrounding her death.

Princess Anne’s public image is very different

The recollection offers a glimpse of a more intimidating side of Anne, but her public reputation has generally centred on her direct, practical approach to royal duties.

Often described as one of the hardest-working members of the royal family, the Princess Royal is known for avoiding unnecessary ceremony and keeping her focus on the engagement in front of her.

HELLO! royal editor Emily Nash has previously described it as unusual to cover one of Anne’s engagements in person because the Princess famously dislikes fuss and prefers to get on with her work without a large press presence around her.

Nash has also noted that Anne’s straightforward, down-to-earth manner has similarities with that of her late father, Prince Philip.

That practical streak was on display again recently when Anne met former England rugby player Sir Kevin Sinfield during his “7 in 7” challenge.

Sinfield was taking on seven ultra-marathons in seven days as part of his fundraising work connected with motor neurone disease. When the subject of running came up, Anne joked that she would “stick to horses.”

She also continued a busy programme of royal engagements during September. The Princess Royal was due to undertake an official visit to Norway in October, while members of the royal family also attended events connected with the death and funeral of King Harald V.

The official Royal Family record confirms the funeral took place in Oslo Cathedral in September, with The Prince of Wales representing The King.

Away from public duties, Anne is a grandmother of five

Despite the demanding schedule, Anne is also known within the family as a hands-on grandmother.

She has five grandchildren: Peter Phillips’ daughters Savannah and Isla, and Zara Tindall’s three children, Mia, Lena and Lucas.

A source previously described Anne as an “amazing mother and grandmother” who has a natural ability to make people feel comfortable, comparing that quality with her mother, the late Queen Elizabeth II.

Anne’s family life is generally kept away from the spotlight, making her occasional comments about her grandchildren particularly notable.

Charles Spencer’s memoir revisits Diana’s life and death

The story of the dinner is part of a much larger account in Swan Song: Diana, My Sister, Charles Spencer’s memoir about his sister.

The book was published on 22 September 2026 and runs to 384 pages. It tells the story of Diana’s life from her younger brother’s perspective, including their childhood together, her marriage to the Prince of Wales and the aftermath of her death in 1997.

Spencer and Diana were the youngest of the Spencer children and, according to the book’s published description, were particularly close while growing up. Their relationship changed dramatically once Diana married Charles and became one of the most recognisable women in the world.

The memoir also revisits the days surrounding Diana’s death and the funeral at Westminster Abbey, where Spencer delivered the eulogy that became one of the defining public moments of his life.

Spencer also revisits his famous 1997 eulogy

In interviews promoting the memoir, Spencer has discussed the reaction to the speech he delivered at Diana’s funeral in September 1997.

He recalled a conversation with Tina Brown about how the late Queen Elizabeth II responded to the address. Despite reports that other members of the royal family were extremely unhappy with the speech, Spencer said the Queen herself had been “gracious.”

According to Spencer, Elizabeth told him that it was his sister’s funeral and that he could say what he wanted.

He described that response as remarkably generous.

Nearly three decades after Diana’s death, Swan Song has therefore brought Spencer’s personal memories of his sister and the royal family back into public view. Among its more intimate recollections is the brief exchange with Princess Anne, a moment that Spencer remembers from when he was still only 17 and learning how to navigate the formal world into which his sister was about to marry.